Sunday, June 19, 2005

the darker side of rick rubin



Word has it that Rick Rubin and Neil Diamond are working together on Diamond's next release. They are both hoping for the same magic that revived Johnny Cash's career.

You can read the story here: Diamond Teams With Rubin

Though Neil Diamond better bring a few allies or some lawyers, because I hear working with Rick Rubin isn't all joints and daisies...

(Los Angeles - recording session for Johnny Cash's fifth Rick Rubin produced album, the album he died before ever completing...)

Rick Rubin - "Man, we need to get some positive vibes in here. Jimmy! Go light up some more incense! Now ... where were we? You still with us Johnny?"

Johnny Cash - "I think I need some tea Rick, my voice is getting a little raw. Can't we make these sessions shorter?"

Rick Rubin - "No can do, Boy Named Sue. You don't have much time left with us. We need to get as much music out of you as possible before ya pass. I can hook you up with some tea though. Jimmy... ?"

Johnny Cash - "Oh no Rick, not that herbal eastern kung fu stuff you gave me yesterday. It tastes something awful and burns my throat"

Rick Rubin - "Nonsense man! You're the 'man in black'! A little imported herbal zen tea wont harm you! Stop being such a baby! Now, let's move on to the next song."

Johnny Cash - "About these songs. Nine Inch Nails? Depeche Mode? Why am I singing these songs Rick? I don't like them and they're depressing. I've spent my career being dark and gloomy. I've only got a few years left, and I want to get more positive."

Rick Rubin - "Positive doesn't sell Johnny boy! Now let's get rolling! Jimmy, are we cued? Alright. Ready in the studio?"

Johnny Cash - "Aww Rick, I'm so tired. We haven't stopped recording in 6 months and I need to rest. It's been four albums! My hands hurt so..."

Rick Rubin - "Hey Johnny, I hope those aren't negative energy waves I sense coming through the microphone."

Johnny Cash - "This is just all too much ... I don't want to be here. I just want to stay home by a warm fire, read a good book and watch my grandchildren play."

Rick Rubin - "That doesn't sound like a hit single to me. Aww FUCK! I got some of my tofu vegan pita sandwich all in my beard. That's not making it out for days. Damnit Johnny, concentrate! Now you're making me upset. You don't want to know what I do to the Red Hot Chili Peppers when they lose focus. Unless you want to see the dunge- ... I mean, the 'special rooms' beneath my studio..."

Johnny Cash - "I'm tired. And I miss June so much."

Rick Rubin - "Well keep carrying on like that and you're going to join her before the day is through! Now let's do this, man! Daddy needs another gold record! Someone get me a smoothie."

Johnny Cash - "zzzzzzzzz ... zzzzzzzzzzzz ..."

Rick Rubin - "Damnit, not again! My aura is getting all warped today. Jimmy! Johnny's out again. Grab the horse adrenaline and give him another shot, pronto! That should help us get two more songs out of him before the night is through. We still have to track 'Down In A Hole', '1979', and 'There Is A Light That Never Goes Out' ..."


BE AFRAID MR. DIAMOND ... BE VERY AFRAID ...

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